Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Toys


Here’s an open secret, every man worth his gonads watches porn and in the minds of a majority of these patrons pops a question when they see those beautiful women exploiting their most intimate of body parts, ‘Why does she have to do this?’. For most men the belief is that a beautiful girl could find a caring partner with whom she could have a fruitful relationship so why indulge in an activity that disqualifies her from being someone he could have proposed to? There are a great many other professions that women take up, like bar dancing, stripping at clubs, escorting men ending with sex or just dinner, even simpler jobs like modelling with their clothes on, which make different categories of men ask the same earlier question.

Disreputable and morally wrong some say, but I don’t see it that way. Morality is subjective and there is no right or wrong, only comfortable and uncomfortable actions exist. So what if a woman wants to use her body to her advantage to meet her needs or even greed? What is disgraceful about it when she is comfortable doing it. I don’t think anyone has a say so long as she is not physically harming someone. Barring the moral brigade, many people come to terms with this with the justification that such women are in dire need of money and are doing it for a meal. They make the assumption that these women are inherently ashamed of what they do but they have no choice due to a lack of skill sets in pursuing other ‘respectable’ careers. No they're not ashamed. While some such women may fall into that category there is a vast number that do it in order to maintain a lifestyle. It is easy money and we all need money to fulfill our desires.

Children love toys and we as adults are just grown up children. We never lose our desire to own toys. They just change form into materialistic possessions and a fancy lifestyle. Whereas a person from the Masai tribe would want to own more cattle we in the city wish to have the mobile phones, the designer bags, the branded clothes, the luxury cars and those exotic holidays. Except for those who inherit great wealth, the rest of us men have to work hard to get our toys but women have an edge over men. Men love sexual titillation and pockets run deep when an itch has to be satisfied. There will always be rich men who would love to buy women toys in exchange for intimacy and irrespective of how rich a woman is she will always find richer men who desire her. Once a woman makes the choice to exploit her body she very easily acquires her toys. Take this angle into consideration and the net widens to include women from different walks of life, who don’t mind bending the taboos of society to achieve what they want. From here on its only a degree of how much bending is comfortable to acquire one’s desires. This is what will decide if she ends up being a porn star or white collar employee with a secret life.

Step out of the discreet virtual world of porn consumption and you will suddenly encounter an uproar in society from many members of both sexes. Men do it for one of two reasons. Either he has no access to such women or he can’t afford them, for if he had both access and money, he’d be indulging in them. Porn is almost free but a real life lady lover is costly. Women do it when they are incapable of such actions either due to inhibitions or the lack of charm to be someone’s lover and feel it is an unfair advantage where beauty wins over brains. Of course they will want to sound superior and will brand these women as sluts and whores. They will also tell you that it is morally wrong and I’ve already mentioned what I think of morality. End of the day don’t forget that we are all salespeople, selling ourselves. I sell my services as an actor, some sell their intelligence and yet others their bodies. The underlying aim for us all is one of acquiring a certain lifestyle. So the next time you see a woman you think should be leading a lifestyle that you approve of, get her the toys she wants and then talk or else shut up.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Exactly my thoughts...good one.

Preethi said...

Ran into your blog and read your write up Toys. Since you have written on a public blog, I hope you are game to some discussion too.1st para- you accept that most men watch porn

but are not ready to visualise those women as a wife or girlfriend for themselves - AGREED. 2nd para - you are trying to stress that you do not consider women in this profession as

dishonorable - GOOD. But one tricky question - does your support for them end in the blog or can you actually let yourself fall in love or have a genuine relationship with a woman in this "dishonorable" profession? Further, I beg to differ on your generalisation on such women "not being ashamed" or "for easy money". The opinion might be right for a small set of women who might be comfortable with using their sexual assets as a get rich quick scheme. But the majority of women in this profession especially in India have a sorry background in sex trafficking or numerous reasons for doing this not related to "easy money". Ask any NGO working with sex workers and they would enlighten you on how most women in this trade struggle everyday to get out of it and how most women forced into this trade themselves accept it as "dishonorable". On your mention of this profession being not disgraceful as long as the sex worker does not physically harm anyone - again confusion. It is not the physical harm that makes the society look upon this profession with disgust. The harm is in social (I use this word only for the lack of more defined word) damage - damaging the man's commitment to a relationship / marriage (I am talking of the married ones here), damaging a stable family and a wife's life when her husband to whom she has been loyal for years deserts her for a woman who titillates him with her body and has lured him away from her. Just like you have to kill all mosquitoes in your house to prevent just the rare Anopheles from giving you malaria, the society has termed all professionals in this game as dishonorable since they know how much damage a wayward married man can make in a moment for sexual pleasure. 4th para - gets even more confusing.
I am one of those women who does not support porn so I am THE one who according to you "can be incapable of such actions either due to inhibitions (definitely NO, its not inhibitions about sex but personal ethics that dictate to do this beautiful act not with all men but that special one) or the lack of charm to be someone’s lover (definitely NO, its not the lack of charm but channelising the charm in the right direction to find someone to love and be faithful to) and feel it is an unfair advantage where beauty wins over brains (definitely NO since I do consider myself as beautiful as brainy). So when I have the charm, the beauty and the brains to handle that charm and beauty, why am I against porn? Now time for you to understand a "normal" woman - I DO NOT support watching it as a woman since watching it means supporting & encouraging this industry to exploit more hapless women into sex trafficking. BUT if tomorrow, I come to know that my best friend is a sex worker by choice, she would still be my precious friend irrespective of her career choice. So there is a thin line between supporting porn and supporting porn workers which you seem to get all confused and uptight about. What I finally feel from the entire blog is not only your thoughts are random, your mind is also random and trapped in the enigma of wanting to sound different and radical from the rest of the world but not knowing that deep inside you, you are as much a part of the Indian society as the rest of us are. Good luck with your blogging :)

Adithya said...

Preethi,

Managed to read your comment when I switched my phone on after landing back in India from, of all places, Bangkok. Could not respond right away so here I am. Our thought processes are always prone to evolve based on new experiences and I could today rewrite my piece to include a whole lot of new perspectives after this Thailand trip. My paradigm as was expressed in what I have so far written has not altered as yet.

Your call for a discussion sounds more like an invitation for a confrontation considering the condescending tone with which you have communicated your thoughts. You are entitled to your views just as much as I am entitled to mine so I don’t wish to argue with you but we need to get some of your accusations against me clarified. Let me go through it in the order you typed.

“does your support for them end in the blog or can you actually let yourself fall in love or have a genuine relationship with a woman in this "dishonorable" profession?” – You have used the word ‘profession’ and ‘professional’ throughout your writing. What I wrote is not in reference to professionals or the profession or for that matter in support of porn (which also you seem to keep accusing me of). As far as falling in love with a woman that society calls ‘ dishonourable’, I can and I have in the past.

“Further, I beg to differ on your generalisation on such women "not being ashamed" or "for easy money"” – Here’s what else I wrote on that same paragraph from where you cherry picked “not being ashamed" and "for easy money"“While some such women may fall into that category (as in – ashamed) there is a vast number that do it in order to maintain a lifestyle”. I am not painting with a broad brush be cautious what you accuse me of.

“It is not the physical harm that makes the society ………….. for sexual pleasure.” – I am not going to keep correcting you on your use of the words ‘profession’ or ‘professional’ but having read that paragraph further must I understand that you are one who believes in social amputation? Your example of mosquitoes is not very flattering considering you are comparing them to human beings. Quite Nazi your attitude of assuming that you are superior and are qualified to pass such a comment. Society looks at everything that does not conform to its dictates with disgust. I presume you enjoy the freedom to dress the way you please but if you lived in Taliban society you’d be looked at with disgust for merely showing your face. I don’t have much regard for society and its whims. If a man’s commitment to his partner is being threatened why not weed out such men? The famed Devdas and Kovalan are men who in my opinion were lucky suckers to have continued getting affection from the women they were initially committed to. They never deserved it and should have been left to rot. A woman is better off deserting a man who is capable of rocking his boat for ‘sexual pleasure’. Having said this, I do not and will not hold guilty the women who tempted Kovalan or Devdas. It’s the men who were pricks. It appears that you are one for moral policing that dictates what is acceptable or not at your terms.

........Contd (1/2)

Adithya said...

....... Contd (2/2)



“I am one of those women who does not support porn so I am………….” – Your logic stumps me. I have not drawn a ‘cause and effect’ conclusion with watching porn. I am referring to the class of people who protest and why I think they protest against women who are comfortable exploiting their bodies. The reference to porn watching was left behind in Para one and the subsequent words make a case for women (real life lady lovers) who fulfill their desires by cashing in on their sexuality (and not necessarily as a ‘professional’). You later make a mention of how a friend who may choose to be a ‘sex worker’ (irrelevant to my case) will continue to be a precious friend, so might I presume that you would extend the same liberty to other women who may wish to exploit their sexuality, professionals or otherwise? Would a lady friend of yours who sleeps around with rich men so she gets gifts from them continue to be your precious friend? If yes then we are on the same page.

“So when I have the charm, the beauty and the brains to handle that charm and beauty, why am I against porn?” – Why you are against porn is irrelevant to my case. The mention of porn was only made to highlight the hypocrisy of society and men in particular. If you are against women who exploit their sexuality, not as professionals, to benefit from it, we can talk.

“Now time for you to understand a "normal" woman” – I can’t help but sense a cocky feeling of superiority in that statement. “Normal” by what standards I wonder. Must I assume anyone who does not toe your line will be deemed abnormal? Will a woman whose personal ethics does not inhibit her to get sexually intimate with multiple men, channelizes her charm to make men dig into their pockets to fulfil her desires, uses her beauty irrespective of her intelligence to titillate men, be considered the ‘disease carrying mosquito’?

“What I finally feel ............ Indian society as the rest of us are.” - Ouch! A personal attack and like I give a ‘you know what’ about your assessment of me.

For the record, what I wrote in the blog specifically addresses the women, and only the women, who on their own accord, willfully and with complete consciousness wish to exploit their sexuality in order to benefit from it financially either in the form of money or gifts or lifestyle. I am not in any way discounting the existence of women who are hapless and trapped in a man’s world for sexual pleasure just as much as I don’t discount the existence of modern day slavery in the form of Indian labourers in the Middle East. I am against any form of subjugation be it directed against a man or woman.

I wish you'd reveal yourself rather than firing from the bushes. Cheers!

Preethi said...

Dude,

Firstly appreciate your sincerity in being confident to defend your views when attacked upon. Secondly appreciate the fact that you are not a closet blog writer who wants to talk what they want on a public forum under pseudonyms (as you said firing from behind the bushes). It is funny that you mention Thailand, since it was the same place that changed my views on the sex workers industry some 6 years ago (here I am talking about the latent industry and not the class of women you are referring to). On my last visit, I had the privilege of talking to a few girls who sell their stuff on the roads for just a few bahts, and it made me realise that these are girls who had gone through utmost trauma previously, had been forced into it and had made a choice of accepting what they were doing since they did not have a choice of leaving it. It is a broad case of "you have been pushed into it, why get hurt by resisting it, start accepting it as your life and enjoy it".

English is a funny language and can convey a meaning to the person based on his view point, I would like to clarify that my call for a discussion was more like a invitation to a open discussion and not a confrontation, though you deciphered it otherwise.Considering that you yourself have used the word "profession" in the first paragraph, I dont understand why now you are hooting down the stairs accusing me of referring to professions and professionals. That is why I mentioned that your thoughts are random, the first paragraph prominently implies that you are talking about the whole profession and you have also added ancillary professions like bar dancing etc to the broad category and now you say you were only referring to the particular type of women.

Regarding your comment "No they're not ashamed. While some such women may fall into that category there is a vast number that do it in order to maintain a lifestyle. It is easy money and we all need money to fulfill our desires." If you are only referring to that narrow set of women who wantedly use their sexual assets for easy money, the statement is apt, but when you read it neutrally in continuation from paragraph 1, the statement sounds like you are referring to the whole porn / sex trade industry doing it for easy money".

Yeah, my example of mosquitoes is probably not very flattering to mosquitoes ;) but is it your superior sense that makes you very defensive on "human beings being compared to mosquitoes"?. There is a difference between being Nazi, being superior and the qualification to pass a comment. A comment expresses freedom of speech and does not need qualifications, superiority or Nazism.

We atleast have one point in common - I don't have much regard for the society and its whims dictated according to the whims of men who consider themselves superior to women and all women who voice their individualistic opinion branded as arrogant. I also support you in your opinion on Kovalan ( I have a vague recollection of that story where this guy has an extra marital affair and his moral bound wife still supports him) but why Devdas (isn't he the guy who was so loyal to his first love that he turned alcoholic and ruined his life in her memory) Why are you clubbing him with the likes of Kovalan?

I am not addressing the rest of your comments right now since I think we need to make a recourse as I was talking about the sexually battered women forced into porn / sex industry whom I support while you were blogging about "only the women, who on their own accord, willfully and with complete consciousness wish to exploit their sexuality in order to benefit from it financially either in the form of money or gifts or lifestyle". For the record, I DO NOT SUPPORT SUCH "MOSQUITOES" IN THE SOCIETY who are not ashamed of using their sexuality to gain quick riches. But I would like to re-read your blog with the newer clarification on the gang you were referring to before posting comments.

Preethi said...

And it is not a matter of wanting to fire from the bush but a matter of not wanting to reveal my email ID for grabs on a public forum that made me not type it out there, if you can identify your email ID to me, I can address you straight.

Cheers!
Preethi

Adithya said...

Dudine,


Thailand has also opened my eyes to a whole range of non-Indian thinking when it comes to women exploiting their sexuality. Economic backgrounds may change but there is a common thought process that I observed in some of them and it may have to do with a difference in our cultures. I have tremendous regard and respect for their way of thinking. That is a different topic in itself so I am not going to elaborate it here.

I did mention somewhere in my last comment that you’re resorting to cherry picking. I believed that if you were to have read my piece in its entirety then it would have given you a clearer picture as to who I’m addressing. This is how I write. I try to pick on the hypocrisies and then build my case and I do shoot at random points that are related but now that you point out a list of confusions, I should probably resign as I have failed to communicate what I wished.

I seem to have got my stories mixed up regarding Devdas. Kovalan I’m sure about.

For the record, I DO NOT SUPPORT SUCH "MOSQUITOES" IN THE SOCIETY who are not ashamed of using their sexuality to gain quick riches. - Now we have something to discuss. Why should they be ‘ashamed’?

As for revealing yourself – search me out on facebook – ‘Adithya Menon’

Cheers!

suresh said...

“Theists believe the improvable. Atheists disprove the unbelievable.” Thank God I'm an Atheist.-- Suresh Chain ♥♥♥

Anonymous said...

HOLY FUCK YOU ARE PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME. WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF YOU? GO PLAY IN MORE MOVIES, YOU GOON.

Adithya said...

Not sure if that was a compliment Anonymous but thanks anyway

Adithya said...

Not sure if that was a compliment Anonymous but thanks anyway